The Experiment: Creating Behavior Change with a Different Focus on Your Child's Behavior
“I am loving this experiment” - mom of 11-year-old with recurring explosive behavior
”This experiment is making me realize there is more to behavior that just the child”- mom of 4-year-old with challenging behavior
One of the most powerful ways of creating change in your child’s behavior is by creating space for a new understanding about. . . everything— you create that space by releasing old, stuck emotions and stories that simply aren’t true.
Last week I lead several moms through “The Experiment”. It was a challenge I lead in a way I never had before. It was really 3 days of one-on-one coaching.
Because the participants received such incredible insights from just the first two assignments, I wanted to share them with you. These were just a small part of The Experiment. Another component was the personalized coaching I was guided to give each mom based on the intuitive nudges I received.
You can actually create behavior change (in your child) through shifting your focus, intention, and energy, and here's some help in doing just that:
Assignment 1:Write the story.
Write the story of your child related to:
Your child's diagnosis (if there is one),
Their behavior,
How you really feel about your child (your raw, unedited, uncensored feelings… especially if you fear being judged by them),
How you really feel about your child's behavior (again raw, unedited, uncensored, even scary), and
How challenging, hard, frustrating, infuriating, difficult, or whatever other words you've used to inwardly (your thoughts) and outwardly (your words) describe what it's like to parent your child.
Yes, answer all 5 questions. Take your time doing so. At least 30 minutes. Longer might be better and necessary.
Do. Not. Hold. Back.
Write about any and all frustration, anger, rage, guilt, sadness, grief, resentment, bitterness, and the like.
Are you angry about the fact that others moms can (fill in the blank) and you can’t because your child (fill in the blank)?
Are you resentful that other moms can (fill in the blank) and you can’t?
Do you hate that (fill in the blank)?
Does it feel like an injustice that (fill in the blank)?
What leads you to crying in the shower? What wakes you up at night and won’t let you fall back to sleep?
The more RAW the emotion you can feel and express, the better.
No one will read this but you, so please, PLEASE, be as honest, raw, and uncensored in your writing.
Do not judge. . . just write.
Do not edit. . . just write.
Get it all out. And if you feel any tears wanting or needing to flow, let them.
Our focus is to get all of your thoughts and feelings on paper and then, OUT of your body, which brings us to part 2.
Assignment 2: Move the emotions.
Move any anger, frustration, sadness, grief, resentment, etc., that came through your writing, in the way(s) your body tells you to. Listening to your body’s wisdom might be a new practice for you. If it is, here’s how: Sit with the emotions revealed through your writing. Sit with them long enough to hear the whispers, sensations, (im)pulses, and any other guidance your body gives you. Maybe you feel guided to weep while beating your hands on a pillow. Maybe you feel guided to run through the woods. Naked? OK, maybe not. Or maybe yes! Maybe you’re guided to hold yourself or ask someone to hold you. Or scream into a pillow. Or swim in the ocean. Or dance your ass off to music you love. Or place your hands on your chest and cry until there are no more tears.
Let your body speak to you about how it needs to move (release) the emotions, and then do it. Do it with love, compassion, and honoring of yourself as the woman your child(red) chose to be their mama. 🧸